Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
