We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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