The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
