In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
