im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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