If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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