i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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