I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
We have so much sex to catch up on
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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