Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
