what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
