maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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