forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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