I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
