by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
whose ass print is on the piano?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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