You don't have asthma, your pregnant
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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