My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
