Yo dont text me then not text me
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
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