fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I AM VODKA MAN
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
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