This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Can you bring me the toilet please
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
