I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Randomize
