My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
one two three fourrrrnication!
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
