So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
