NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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