it's too hot outside to masturbate.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Randomize
