okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
