she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
