is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
