the new term for farting is butt boxing.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
