So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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