I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
