The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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