He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
party gras won. party gras always wins.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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