She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
