Cold hands, warm shart.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
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