Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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