Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Your penis caused this!
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
