he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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