please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
