she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
