You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
