I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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