i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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