Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Randomize
