I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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