Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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