im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
