what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
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