it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
