Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
