Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
