I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Every concussion has its silver lining
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
