margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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