We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
