I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I think your dad took our porno
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
