I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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