I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
