So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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