Tell her she can't have a vagina
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Randomize
