remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
