You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
