Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize