White coat. Heels.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
whose ass print is on the piano?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
