I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
