'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
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