Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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