I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
