waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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